I’ve entered a new chapter in life – motherhood. It is so magical! It is also the hardest job I’ve ever had. I’m in the thick of it with a 6 week old baby girl. My perfect baby girl. I could type for hours about our journey of getting pregnant, or a slightly intense birth story, but that’s not why I finally opened my laptop. I’ll be honest, I didn’t grow up dreaming about being a mom like some women do. I hated babysitting or being around kids. I didn’t know if I wanted to ever be a mom, let alone if I’d be a good one. But here I am, so inspired by my baby, I’m writing again.
People try to prepare you for motherhood. The “just wait”s and the tips and tricks. But no one can actually prepare you, I see that now. You have to experience it to understand. Pregnancy was beautiful, but tough at the end. Postpartum is a whole nother ball game. Women are incredible. Mothers are incredible. The transition to motherhood is a wild ride, a hard ride. But a beautiful ride.
Since my husband has gone back to work, it is me and her all day. I’m learning her cries. She’s learning my voice and my face. There are no words to explain the bond I’m creating with her – only mothers would get it. She is my everything. She is my reason to live. Someone once told me I’ll never know love like this – and they were so right. I thought I knew the strongest love. I was wrong. My entire world exists in her teeny tiny body.
So here we are, at 2am feeding my girl, and I’m inspired to write down the thoughts and feelings that I’ve had these first 6 weeks. Some might not be unicorns and rainbows, but raising a child isn’t always perfect, right? Some days I feel unaccomplished. There are days I can’t even get dinner in the crockpot, or wash dishes, or do laundry. Days I can’t shower. Days I miss my friends. Days I miss doing whatever I want.
However, there’s the days I can’t believe I created her. Days that I cry because of how much I already love her. Days that I can’t imagine not having her in my life. Days I thank God for giving me this precious child. Days that I’m so damn happy I could explode.
I love my new life, but that doesn’t mean I don’t mourn my old one.
I don’t know how to be a mom, but she is teaching me.
I miss date nights with my husband, but he’s an amazing daddy.
I miss my friends, but there is nothing like mom friends to help get you through.
Breastfeeding is so incredibly hard, but I get to provide food and nutrients for her.
My fit, skinny, body is gone – but it gave me the life of my daughter.
I haven’t eaten today, but her noises are so cute when she’s eating.
Sometimes I need to get out of the house, but I could stare at her all day.
My parents are so far away, but she made them grandparents.
My sister is an aunt, and this baby has brought her back to me.
Some days I miss my sleep, but I miss her when she’s asleep.
I don’t have to wake up and go to work, but this is no vacation.
I don’t feel beautiful anymore, but she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I want it to speed up, but I want it to slow down.
I’m so overwhelmed sometimes, but I’ll never quit.
It’s hard, but I can do it.
It’s hard, but I don’t want it to ever end.
I don’t want it to ever end.
Being her mama is worth every second of exhaustion. No matter how hard it gets, it’s all so worth it.
I made you, but you made me a mother. I love you babygirl.
Literally Ashleigh. 
So very well said, I remember all those feelings when Tyler was six weeks old, it’s overwhelming isn’t it, but it gets easier and harder all at the same time. Her life will have stages which means your life will have stages. Enjoy every stage, document, videotape every stage. I’m at a point now where I’m looking back at those writings and those videos and wishing I could go back to it, but at the same time so glad I got past it. Every day is a blessing with her. You’re doing a great job don’t ever think you’re not. She’s a very lucky little girl!
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Oh Ashleigh! Every single word you wrote is so true and so normal. It is without a doubt the hardest job IN THE WORLD. It is lonely, unappreciated, tiring, etc. But also the most rewarding. Remember..caring for you and also you and Matt as a couple are just as important. Hopefully if I come down next week we’ll get you out for a bit and maybe even a date night! It’s so hard but also so important. Motherhood is trial and error (some days lots of error). I love you and am beyond proud of you ❤️❤️
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Ashleigh I have read this so many times. It has touched my heart and brought tears. Even though it’s been many years since my first birth the way you put it into words is so true. Brings back many memories. Enjoy every moment of your precious baby girl. Time goes quickly. She’s beautiful just like her mama! Love you ❤️
Sent from the all new AOL app for iOS
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